We’ve all been there. It’s one of those jam-packed days, full of demanding requests, urgent tasks, ringing phones, beeping devices and just not enough snacks.

In other words, hell.

Luckily for you, I am an expert in concealing stress levels that border on breakdown territory (not exactly a plus?) and am here to guide you on how to deal with your imminent nervous breakdown when you just don’t have the time to indulge it.


Step 1: Remain Uncalm

Your first instinct when trying not to throw items around you in a fit of rage may be to tell yourself to stay calm. Don’t do this. In fact, do the opposite. Be uncalm. Be angry. Think about which items you would most enjoy hurling from your desk and most excitedly, at whom you would like to hurl them. Especially if they aren’t physically present at the moment.

I find this is the most enjoyable part of the exercise. Then later when you see that person, you can respond in a socially acceptable passive aggressive way instead.


Step 2: Don’t Cry

If you’re a giant baby, this is gonna be a hard one. You may not have time for a nervous breakdown but find the time to grow a sack of balls and stop blubbering.


Step 3: Find a Breakdown Buddy

Sometimes it helps to talk to another human being when you are under a lot of stress. Make sure you pick a human being that you don’t like very much, as then you won’t feel as guilty for dumping your giant pile of brain barf onto them. Think of it like Carrie. Find your Carrie.



Step 4: Suppress All Physical Symptoms

I’ve had an eye twitch for about a week now which I think shows my dedication to not having a nervous breakdown. Sometimes it’s a little uncomfortable or looks like I’m about to sneeze, but it goes away after a few seconds of awkward flailing.

Feel a twitch coming on? Or a headache? Or a neck spasm? Or just endless hot tears of frustration? Don’t give in! Stuff your face with cheeseburgers to drown out any emotions you may be experiencing. Bonus tip: this also works in regular life to avoid dealing with any inconvenient feelings that come up.


Step 5: Prepare to Do It Again

If you made it through steps 1 – 4, congrats, you now know how to effectively deal with a nervous breakdown when you just don’t have time. That’s really great that you mastered those skills because you’re going to need them again in the future.

Chances are if you manage your life stress the way steps 1 – 4 describe, you’ll find yourself in an endless cycle that repeats every 3 – 6 months, approximately.

So chin up! You’re an expert breakdown-er now. Hooray for you!


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